Real optimism isn’t about positive thinking, “good vibes only” or “everything happens for a reason.”
There are three science-backed components of real optimism, says psychologist Deepika Chopra, PsyD, and all can be intentionally cultivated: possibility, agency and resilience.
Dr. Chopra, an associate board member of the Simms/Mann UCLA Center for Integrative Oncology and author of “The Power of Real Optimism,” shared practical strategies for building optimism during a recent conversation with Wendelin Slusser, MD, associate vice provost of the Semel Health Campus Initiative at UCLA, presented by the Friends of Semel Institute.
Optimism can be learned
You don’t have to be a natural glass-half-full person to experience the benefits of optimism, which include improved mental and physical health, better relationships, increased longevity and greater life satisfaction.
Even Dr. Chopra, who calls herself “the optimism doctor,” acknowledges that she is not a natural optimist.
“In fact, I struggle with it a lot,” she said, “and I’m so thankful that it is something that we can learn.”
In a way, optimism must be learned, regardless of one’s disposition, because our brains don’t prioritize happiness and growth, Dr. Chopra said: “Our brains prioritize safety.”
This helps explain why we spiral when faced with uncertainty and ruminate about the one negative or embarrassing thing that happened during the day and not the 38 things that went smoothly.
We can intentionally tap into possibility, agency and resilience at any moment, even the most challenging, Dr. Chopra said. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. While writing her book, her toddler son was diagnosed with a rare illness, which, as she said, “stopped us in our tracks and changed the trajectory of all of our lives.” She soldiered on because there was no other choice — her son needed her. She wasn’t always able to take the advice she offers to clients and in the book.
But she came to realize, both in the science she was studying and in her own life, that optimism doesn’t mean denying reality or difficult moments, nor does it mean everything always works out the way we want it to.
“A real optimist is someone who is keenly aware, mindfully aware, of the setbacks and roadblocks and less-than-ideal situations,” Dr. Chopra said. “But the caveat really is that they see them as temporary and something that they have the ability to overcome, even if they don’t know how or when – but they know that they can overcome it.”
Cultivating a sense of possibility
When faced with challenging circumstances, it’s easy to think of everything that could go wrong. Dr. Chopra shared that her fear of flying often has her giving all her account passwords to her sister the day before a flight.
“I do a lot of worst-case-scenario planning,” she said.
The human brain is a predictive organ, she explained, and when it can’t predict an outcome, it fills in the gaps so it can plan to keep you safe. Coupled with its negativity bias — the brain is more attuned to potential threats than moments of goodness — we can end up with a lot of catastrophic imaginings.
This is why Dr. Chopra likes to ask herself “what else could be true?” and picture best-care-scenario possibilities, as well.
“It’s widening the frame,” she said. “I’m just challenging myself to see what else there is, and it’s really about creating this little bit of space between what has happened and the story that I’m going to tell myself about what has happened.”
Finding agency
There’s so much we can’t control in life — traffic, health diagnoses, the fate of a relationship or job prospect. Finding agency is about discovering (or remembering) what we can do, Dr. Chopra said: What resources do I have? What can I influence? What is my next step?
Even basic self-care — sleep, social connection, movement, quiet time — counts. How we choose to look at a situation counts, whether we catastrophize or make room to see other possibilities.
“Things can be so overwhelming, but where is our agency? I always come back to that,” Dr. Chopra said. “What power do we have?”
When facing her child’s diagnosis and treatment, she reminded herself to “focus on what I could control and be open and curious about the rest of it,” she writes in the book.
Building resilience
You have survived 100% of your hardest days, which proves that you can trust yourself to weather hard times.
Overcoming challenges helps us become more optimistic, Dr. Chopra said.
“The important part of resiliency and why it’s overlooked but amazing is we can always look backward to find evidence,” she said. “I’ve been uncertain before. I’ve been disappointed before. And I’ve figured things out before and I’ve adapted before.
“Optimism is actually more related to this idea of resiliency and overcoming and persevering though struggle than it really is about just blanket-statement positivity.”
